This is adopted from The Straits Times and is strictly just for laughs.
This transcript is between Man City's beleaguered manager and its obvious owner.
Manchester City's owner: Sheikh Mansour (in Blue)
Manchester City's manager: Mark Hughes (in white)
(so you guys can see more clearly)
Is that the manager?
Yes it is, sir. It's Mark Hughes.
Merv Hughes? Aren't you the retired cricketer with the massive moustache?
No, it's Mark, sir. This is City. You bought the city, remember?
I own the London Stock Exchange now, too? I know I've been busy but my people must keep me informed if they go shopping without telling me...
No, no, no, Manchester City. The football team you planned to turn into the biggest club in the world by throwing vulgar amounts of money at players who are already multi-millionaires at a time when most football fans are struggling with the global credit crunch.
Ah, that's right. It was my attempt to demonstrate my family's enduring values of respect to an international audience. Are we the biggest team in the world yet?
We're not even the biggest team in Manchester. There is a joke going around that we are the city's third team now.
Who is the second team?
Manchester United's reserves... Anyway, I had an idea this morning while I was watching Barack Obama on TV and...
Can we buy him too?
He's not a footballer, sir. He's the new American President.
He'll still do a better job for us than Richard Dunne.
That might be true. But I called you about Kaka.
Ah, the best player in the world you said. The player who'd win us the title you said. The player who'd be happy too swap the fashion houses of Milan for the track pants and hoodies of Manchester, you said.
Yeah, I know.
The player we could probably get in a straight swap deal for Richard Dunne, you said.
Yeah, well, he turned us down. He said true sporting greatness is about one's legacy, rather than the bank balance. He said there's more to life than money.
I'm sorry. I do not understand what you just said.
He believes that money is no guarantee of happiness.
Tell that to Leeds United.
But it's OK because I've bought a player in Kaka's image.
Lionel Messi?
No, Craig Bellamy.
I do not remember seeing his name in our original dream XI.
He wasn't. But he was the second best striker at West Ham behind Dean Ashton and he'll put a stop to dressing-room indiscipline.
Is he a calming influence then?
No, I'll give him a three iron. You should've seen what he did to John Arne Riise at Liverpool a couple of years ago.
But is this Bellamy a Manchester city kind of player?
He sulks on and off the pitch and has a tendency to go Awol.
He sounds like the ideal Manchester City player.
I certainly think Bellamy and Robinho will make a perfect couple.
What does Robinho think of his new strike partner?
I don't know. We haven't found him yet sir.
How much did we pay for this Bellamy?
Well he's 29 years old, a few months older than Michael Owen and spent most of last season injured and had no more than six decent games for West Ham. We paid 14 million pounds (S$31 million)
What a bargain... Here, what's that noise in the background?
That's Gianfranco Zola giggling on the other line.
Are we buying him too?
No, he's the West Ham manager, sir.
Why can I still hear him laughing?
He's wondering if we wanted to buy Carlton Cole for 20 million pounds.
~THE END~
Your manager,
Fergie